16 February, 2012

I'm so Euro

I was born with a perfect bronzed complexion and no tan lines. Some said “Good God, that’s the worst case of jaundice we've ever seen” (the doctors). But I just knew then that I was destined to ride bikes in Europe.

I like to wear my arm and leg warmers at all times, no exceptions. Even if it’s forty degrees when I’m out training I won’t submit. It’s totally worth heat exhaustion for ‘le look’. It does get a bit tiresome trying to wash through them in the shower but you get used to it. How do I get my all over tan you might ask? Simple: I’m European baby.

A kindred spirit
I never show any kind of pain or exertion when cycling. If I feel the need to do so then I must be trying too hard so immediately ease up. The aim of sport is to portray a cool image of one’s self and it’s vital to remember this. At no point should you be seen to be trying.

I put my saddle right up, as high as I can, higher even. I saw Philippe Gilbert on the telly once; he rides bikes with pointy toes and he’s from Europe, so now I do too. I suffer with a few niggling aches; over flexion of the spine, chronic knee pain, severe fertility reduction, but we all do right?

Cycling - a high sperm count is so not Euro

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