Stuff that cyclists do but normal people would probably think is right weird

Hanging washing everywhere - enter at your peril. Potential injuries include chain ring slicing, bike frame tripping and being crushed by boxes.

I know where everything is: just don't test me.

Recovery outfit - I'm a renowned fashion icon in the Surrey / Somerset areas. It's kind of my thing.

Standard set of recovery socks right? Coupled with the obligatory dressing gown for an enticing combo

Insane food consumption - lots of exercise means lots of enforced eating. Well it's not really forced for me.

Victor Frankenstein and his monster

Tramp Foot - this is a little trick I learnt a few years ago whilst sleeping rough on the streets of Moscow (this is a fabrication). When getting dressed you do look like a crazy bag lady, but once you pull your oversocks up your feet will be windproof and toasty!

My choices today were Debenhams on the left and Pizza Hut on the right. Other bag manufacturers are available

With legs this smooth, how can I lose? It's all about looking Euro I've heard; being good is so last season.

Smoothest legs in the household. The socks are a big look too, obviously.

Peeing in public - it's widely accepted in the cycling community that peeing wherever you please is a-okay, particularly in Belgium. The only requirement is that you're in lycra and/or near a bike. 

It seems my wires got a bit crossed on this occasion.

Caught with my pants down